I am an open book. I share details about my life whether for a laugh, a connection, or because it feels better to let things out than to keep them in. Included in the category of things that feel better to let out are updates about my health. In 2018, I was diagnosed with breast cancer, which fortunately was found early and would respond well to medication. But it was still cancer, so it sucked anyway. In the 6.5 years since, I have had 6 clear MRIs, and more than 6 clear mammograms. More than six because several times my surgeon sent me down to imaging to see if they could squeeze me in to check on the scar tissue on one side or some bump on the other (which would then put my right and left breasts on 2 different schedules). Dr. C was taking advantage of me already being there, but her guidance to get a scan right now was always terrifying. I fainted during one of those same-day scans, but that’s a story for another time…
With the positive news from scans over the years, it is hard to reconcile how much the fear of recurrence still nags. I’m thankful to K and the rest of my circle who help me through it when something causes the fear to be a little more than nagging. It recently resurfaced in the form of a Bruise of Mysterious Origin, or what I will call a BOMO. Despite all the care I take navigating the world (haha, I’m a klutz), the BOMO is a regular sight. I don’t give much thought to bruises on shins, hips or arms. I’m pretty sure I banged into a bedframe, the counter, and a door handle in the past week. But this bruise was on my ribs, just beneath the breast where the tumor had been. I noticed it before our trip but had no recollection of bumping anything. When we got back, I could see it was still there and was a little swollen. By the weekend, I emailed my doctor a picture and asked if she should see it.
I began imagining a tumor forming under my ribcage and causing bruising from within. Knowing I wouldn’t hear from Dr. F until Monday, I distracted myself with a familiar activity, a new puzzle. On my second day of puzzling, I reached across the table past the top border where I had placed a group of similar pieces. Oof, I thought, as I leaned forward to grab a few more, that feels sensitive where my bruise is pushing against the edge of the table. [wait for it] Ohhhhh … I did several puzzles in the weeks before we left for our trip. Maybe that is the culprit??? I called K in to watch me reach across. Suddenly the possible cancer recurrence was instead a jigsaw puzzle hazard. Whew!
Monday arrived and I got an email from the doctor’s office. The nurse set an appointment and said that Dr. F directed that if I notice swelling, heat from the bruise, fever, or any other signs of infection, I should go to urgent care right away. Otherwise, she would see me Friday. Wait, was it not a puzzle injury? Worry levels increased and it would be several days before I would get intel. I finally made it to Friday and after thorough review, Dr. F declared that she was not concerned about the bruise. Maybe I was right about puzzles. “But the lymph nodes in your neck feel swollen. I’m going to order a CT scan.” She went on to say that a CT scan is an ordeal because you have to fast and they inject contrast which can give people stomach issues. Can’t wait! Oh, and she warned me to be prepared because CT is quite a sensitive test. Given that and the fact that I am 48, there are sure to be abnormalities. Those may require further testing. Glad we are so thorough!!
The nurse closed out my appointment by coming back to check my blood pressure for a third time as it had been high at the appointment’s start. He thought I would be less anxious now that the appointment was over. Would you be less anxious contemplating swollen lymph nodes and CT scans? Me neither. It was higher. Given 3 high measurements in a row he talked about signing me up for some blood pressure clinic at Kaiser. He said he had a busy Friday afternoon ahead of him, so let me know that if I didn’t hear from this clinic, he didn’t get to it. Got it, that is so helpful!!!
Monday rolled around and I did not hear from radiology or the blood pressure clinic, but we ordered a home BP cuff from Amazon. It arrived yesterday and gave me a normal reading. I have since connected with radiology and set an appointment for next week. Now I just need a bruise-free activity to keep me busy for the next week. Maybe something safe like football or a trampoline.
As I wait for the next thrill on this roller coaster ride, I will share some precious wisdom with you.
Jigsaw puzzling is a dangerous sport, consider protective gear.
White Coat Syndrome (when blood pressure goes up at the doctor’s office) is real and I have it.
It is faster to order and receive a blood pressure monitor from Amazon than to wait for a call from Kaiser’s clinic to see if they’ll offer you one.
Bringing both breasts with you to your doctor appointment does not guarantee you can keep them on the same mammogram schedule. Doctors are ok with extra radiation exposure in < 12 month increments on a side with something to look at, but are not comfortable with early exposure on the side without something to see.
My lymph nodes and bruise provided a reason to look inside. I hope we find nothing in the CT, but if there is something, I will thank my BOMO for helping me find it earlier. If we find something on the scan, I may not feel thankful in the moment. Please remind me that I said I would give thanks.
After you get past one hurdle, you may look up and see another in your path. Keep jumping, climbing, crawling or otherwise maneuvering past it. This is life. Let’s do it together.
Hope it turns out to be nothing but puzzle trauma!
Gulp. Thank you for being brave, vigilant, and vulnerable, Heidi. Sending you a huge hug and strength as you continue to navigate testing. Your community is with you. ⭐️ Thank you for sharing your experience and takeaways.